LITTLE BROTHER
What if his precious touch no longer warmed my heart?
What if his determination and stubbornness didn’t fill me with pride?
What if he didn’t relax in my arms while falling asleep?
What if he didn’t want to call me sister?
What if I didn’t want to call him my brother?
Would I not be the same?
Would he?
Would I be filled with shame?
My house would not be filled with laughter.
My eyes would not shine as bright.
My smiles not so wide.
He wouldn’t jump so high,
or sleep so well.
Like a perfect Greek statue he lays.
Blond curls displayed
around his little tan face.
Faintest rising of chest.
Chin raised high
Small smile on his perfect little lips.
So amazing.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hello, darling! I'm Music, and I'll be reviewing this piece [obviously].
Anyway, I see you're new here! Welcome to YWS! I suggest you head to the Welcome forum and post something so you can meet some friendly people to offer you help!
Also, now that you've posted a piece of your work, you have to review two other pieces. This is known as the 2:1 ratio. We like to make sure everyone gets a review. So review those pieces, girl!
Now onto the poem:
I thought it was pretty good. I didn't even care about considering the rhyme scheme, because I just had a fight with my little brother and these words described what I was feeling. Pretty good job; I really liked the concept. Great last line, by the way.
One nit pick:
Overall, good poem. Remember, head to that Welcome forum! There, you'll find the low-down on the rules and ways of YWS. PM me with any questions; I'd love to get to know you!
Love,
Music.